I have a problem, and I need your advice...
I am the type of person who loves to make others happy. I love putting a smile on others faces, and try really hard to be sensitive to everyone, even people I might not even know or be close to.
I also have a really difficult time dealing with people who don't like me. Whenever someone is mad at me or mean or just being a bitch to me, I don't make that about them, it's me, it's something I am doing, something I am doing wrong. I have a hard time with the fact that there are people that are just jerks in this world, for no other reason that they are, well, jerks. I'm not saying that I am never mean to anyone, but I think we all know that there are people who you can be sweet to them and they will still hate you, and the nicer you are the meaner they get.
I work with one of these people.
This girl (we'll call her Sally) isn't exactly mean to me, she is just really good at passive aggressive behavior, like most women are. Whenever I come on the unit I say hi to everyone and I always get the normal pleasantries from everyone, but her. She never talks to me unless I talk to her first. If we are in a group of people, she will be overly friendly with everyone else and will ignore me.
Sound a little grade school doesn't it? The sad part is that I am letting it bother me as much as I am. She's not worth it, she's just a jerk. I wouldn't even want to be friends with a person like that, so why should I even care? I am a strong, independent, beautiful woman with a husband who adores her, a family that loves her and good friends to share my life with. So why is it that the fact that one girl is out-shadowing all of that?
I don't know how many of you watch Sex and the City but there is an episode where Carrie meets a girlfriends of Aidan's after she broke up with him the second time. Nina (the next girlfriend) makes a face that Carrie obsesses about over the entire episode. She can't stop thinking about what Nina thinks about her and she lets this take over her whole life. By the end she realized that it really isn't even about Nina, it was her. She was just being too critical of herself.
I guess that's easier said than done. I am a good person. If people don't want me to be in their life, that's their loss....I do believe that.
So why am I still obsessing over this girl??
You know, I think it's just human nature (well, GIRL nature!) to want to be liked. I've definitely experienced some of those same feelings...and then I was frustrated with myself for putting such a big stake in how others view me. As the years have progressed, and as I've aged, I have started to care less and less what people think about me - what matters most is what I know about myself, and how I treat others. I know it is SO easy to let people like that bother you - like I said, I have definitely been there! - but try to reframe it a la Carrie Bradshaw. She is a smart lady. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comment-- it's just in our nature to want to be liked. I think that even if you don't necessarily want to be friends with the other person, it drives us crazy that someone else just doesn't want to be friends with us either. Though it does seem like she is going out of her way to be rude. She could at least be civil and say hi to you. No one is forcing you guys to have a slumber party... But some girls are just that way... Hopefully it will just get easier to ignore her. Just pretend she isn't there.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to explain it to yourself - let alone anyone else - but EVERYONE goes through this. Like you said: people are just jerks. They are rude, selfish and lacking in kindness. I remember that SATC episode very well, and I also remember how well it nailed the nail on the head. We are all way too critical of ourselves; if a person is choosing to act inappropriately or rudely, just banish it all from your mind. It isn't anything you're doing! It's someone being miserable with their life.
ReplyDeleteYou want to be liked, like the rest of us and that is why it bothers you. I think that the behavior that is person is showing towards you, just shows me that she has some insecurities with herself or is jealous of you. It gives her more power to act this way. I find that people who act this way are powerless in many other aspects of their life. Just do not give her anymore power thinking about it. Do what Carrie did...move on and buy yourself a great pair of shoes.
ReplyDeleteHi there, I stumbled across your blog earlier this week- I can't exactly remember how...but I thought I would chime in because I have certainly been in this type of situation before! FRUSTRATING, I know! I think part of the reason why you are obsessing over this girl is because you don't know if you actually did something to offend her, or if she is just a jerk.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a good person because I get the impression that if you did do something inadvertently to offend her, you want to want to correct the mistake...however, if you didn't, you would just like her to treat you like she treats everyone else. It's tough to know what to do in this situation, or if it is even worth doing anything. If you feel comfortable, you could always try asking her if you did something to offend her...if not, just keep being yourself and I think eventually she will come around to being more friendly with you, or you will just get over your obsession.
Big Nast is gonna learns ya with a simple, repetitive sentiment that has stood the test of time....FUCK what people think.
ReplyDeleteWorry about you, take that to the bank, and count it. Not everyone's gonna like you, so fuck em...